How to get over a divorce can be very difficult especially if the two of you had a great relationship. Many men and women today find themselves faced with the aftermath of a divorce. The marriage failure rate has been said to be approximately 50% in the past few years.
This high incidence of divorce means that more and more people have to deal with divorce and its effect on their lives. Let’s look at some ways to lessen the impact of divorce and find the means to move past this often troublesome time in life.
Getting over a divorce: 6 Important tips you must know
1. Acknowledge the Situation
It is tempting to bury your head in the sand when bad things occur. In the case of divorce, ignoring it will not make it go away. You have to acknowledge what is happening…you are facing the end of a relationship; the separation of a family and the demise of life as you know it. These are not easy things to accept but it is necessary to look the changes squarely in the eye, say them out loud and accept the pain that follows.
You have to allow yourself the chance to grieve. This is the end of a relationship…a death of dreams…the dissolution of a partnership. Many people try to ignore this and proceed as if they don’t care. The best thing to do, however, is to allow yourself (and your children) the opportunity to grieve the loss. Grief does come in stages and you are likely to feel the anger, resentment, the guilt and all the other processes of grief. It’s okay to cry it out and take some time to reminisce before you begin to let go.
2. Don’t Let Emotions Rule Your Decisions
Our first instinct in a divorce is to lash out at our former partner and assign guilt and blame to them for the failure of your marriage. However, anger and bitterness cloud your thinking and stall the process of handling the business side of a divorce. If you are still stuck in who did what and who is to blame, you aren’t thinking clearly to make important decisions.
Take some crucial time to yourself to review documents and settlement agreements. Make lists of things you want to revise. It is wise to have your attorney to review legal papers with you or even a trusted friend who you trust to be objective. Don’t make major decisions when you are angry or hurt.
3. Take the High Road
As difficult as it may be, strive to take the mature position on anything to do with your divorce. If your ex-spouse is vindictive or petty, you be the opposite. Don’t get sucked into arguments below your dignity. If you have a choice to strike back or be graceful-choose the latter. You will never regret trying to do the right thing.
If children are involved in the divorce, it is imperative for you to avoid negative statements about their other parent. This only hurts the child and not your ex. Let your kids see that you behave with dignity and respect for yourself and others. They will appreciate and emulate this part of your character.
Remember that you may still have to see this person for the rest of your life. If you and your ex-have children together, he or she will be a part of your life for many, many years to come. At best, you will co-parent with this person, so it is best if you have a positive, cordial relationship. Together, you will make important decisions about your children.
• You will be attending many events with this person…birthday parties, graduations, marriages, etc. It will help your children tremendously if you can establish a friendship with their other parent and still do things as a family unit.
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4. Put a Period and Turn the Page
After you have settled all the legal and parental aspects of the divorce, the time has come to an end this stage of your life and move on to new and happy things. Don’t dwell in the past regarding what could have been or should have been. You cannot change things from the past, so the best thing is to make your peace with it and move forward.
You are closing a chapter in your life, so you may find it helpful to have an end date. It could be the day your divorce is final, or another day you decide to choose. Allow yourself time on that day to look back…maybe place pictures in a scrapbook and remove other reminders from your life. This is the final step in the grieving process, and it is necessary for closure.
5. Celebrate a new you and a new life.
Divorce does cause sadness, anger, and bitterness; but once you have given yourself time to accept it, you are free to move on. You are free to celebrate you and your new life. Look for the good changes in your life. It is okay to be happy about the fresh start and opportunities that lie ahead.
Do something for yourself…get a new hairdo; buy new clothes; decorate the house in your style. Savor the freedom to just be yourself with no one to answer to. Do all the things you have wanted to do…allow yourself time to find out who you are alone.
6. Don’t Jump Back In
One crucial mistake people make after a divorce is to search immediately for their next relationship. They jump into online dating or clubs. Many times we try to find a new love because we are afraid of being alone. Fight that fear and be alone. Go out with friends but don’t jump back into dating. Give yourself time to heal and time to reflect on what went wrong.
This is a transition time in your life, and it should be devoted just to yourself. Think about who and what you want out of the next relationship. Make lists, pray about it and then don’t settle for anything less in your life.
Divorce can be a heart-wrenching experience, but the good news is that you will survive it. You are also likely to find an even better life and the chance to get to know yourself much better in the process!If follow the above tips you will be able to learn how to get over a divorce.