11 Things to consider after a divorce
Life after divorce may seem gloomy and dark. Many people stay in bad marriages just because they don’t want to face being alone again. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing, though. Yes, there will be pain and loneliness after a divorce. You must give yourself time to grieve because a relationship has died. It is a bad idea to jump from a divorce to another link instantly.
Divorce is not a life sentence
Some people feel that when their marriage fails, they have failed. They feel as if they have lost their one chance for happiness. Divorce is a transitional time in your life that must be dealt with. It comes with sadness and often regrets, but you won’t always be sad. There will come a day when you smile and laugh again.
Don’t blame yourself
Just like it takes two to make a marriage work, it takes two to create a divorce. You may have made some mistakes, and it is okay to recognize this. But you cannot live with the anchor of guilt around your neck, for the rest of your life. You have to put a period on this chapter of your life. Allow yourself time to grieve and to accept blame. Be honest with yourself about the things you did wrong. After you have been brutally honest with yourself, let it go. Move past it and move on.
It’s okay to be alone (it can even be fun)
As you go through the process of divorce, you may not be ready for dating. That doesn’t mean you have to sit at home and be depressed. Go out with your friends and have fun. Do all the things you want to do. Better yet, enjoy being alone some. Binge on your favorite shows, stay in your grungy pj’s all day, eat with your fingers and sleep without worrying about snoring. Just do you. It is liberating!
Count your new blessings
Let’s face it…marriage comes with its baggage. In-laws! Doing things you don’t enjoy like walking on eggshells sometimes. Well, you are free now so really appreciate it. You don’t have to answer to anyone right now, that is a rare thing in life. Wallow in self-indulgence before you start dating again!
Remember all those little pipe dreams you had before you got married? Well, now is the time to dust them off and give them a try. So what if they don’t work? If you’re ready to start dating, be sure to check out our best recommendations on how to date after a divorce. You might learn something! There is no one to judge you or to even know. Go for it! Be silly and be yourself, your fun self.
Often in a divorce, custody is shared which means you have time with your kids and time without them. This can be an advantage because when they are with their other parent, you can recharge your batteries. When they come home, you are excited to see them. Now, you can give them undivided attention and they won’t have to hear any arguments.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Divorce is a difficult time, and you don’t have to go through it alone. Friends mean well but they are often too close to the situation to help. There are numerous counselors and programs that can help you navigate through life after divorce. Whether it is a pastor or a work-related program, there is help for you, and you are not alone.
Don’t isolate yourself
Sometimes we tend to pull away from everyone when we are hurting and let’s face it. Divorce can do a number on your self-image, but you must fight these feeling and force yourself to get out and to engage with other people. It doesn’t have to be dating, it could just mean time with friends of the opposite sex.
Dating after divorce
Take your time with dating and make sure you are ready to give someone new a fair chance. You have to make peace with the past before moving on to something or someone new. Try to keep it light and fun and minimize your expectations and just enjoy yourself.
A new you
This is the perfect time to try new things. Get that new hairstyle you have always wanted, wear that outfit you have seen in the display window. Break out of the mold and try new things. You can be anyone you want. Right now, your only responsibility is to yourself and your children. When they are safe with their other parent, have a blast.
Minimize the impact of your children
Remember that your children did not have a vote in this change. It is up to you to show them how to handle change. Be positive and upbeat, embrace the changes in your new life. Whatever you do, don’t be negative about their other parent. A good idea might be to actually apologize to your ex-girlfriend to ensure that the relationship to your child’s mother stays healthy. Anything you say bad about your ex will only hurt your children. Let them see you two as still a united front, a parenting team. Divorce shouldn’t change that.
So, as you see, there is life after divorce, and it is up to you to make it great or make it horrible. You do have control over how you react to things. You can choose to let it all upset you, or you can use it to grow and improve things. It is not a life sentence…you won’t always think of yourself as “divorced.” It will become a part of your life, just as other things do.
In this day and time, divorce is more common than ever before. We don’t have to deal with the stigma that people in the past did. It is more accepted now, even with our children and their friends. But just because it is more accepted, doesn’t mean that it will be easy for you to accept. Give yourself time, forgive yourself and the other person and then begin to enjoy all the blessings you still have. Why not start by talking to a few girls online? You can get a few tips on how to start by reading our article about talking to girls online the right way. Don’t waste time looking back because the future is bright and there is life after divorce!