Research shows that men fear many things in bed. They are afraid of, among other things, an overconfident partner, fatigue, premature ejaculation, and believe it or not, some even fear having a heart attack. They are also concerned about experiencing rejection that would effectively discourage them from intercourse. So let’s take a closer look at male anxiety before, during, and after sexual intercourse.

It is commonly believed that men are not afraid of anything when it comes to sex. Women are much more willing to discuss their problems or dilemmas. Culturally, men are seen as conquerors and seducers who should always rise to the occasion. Men like to brag with other men, but they usually do not discuss their fears or shortcomings. It turns out, however, that certain aspects of a sexual encounter may cause men a lot of anxiety.

Expectation of sexual performance is like an exam

Some men admit that they found themselves in a situation, where instead of excitement there was tension, which actually prevented them from having sex. The reasons for this can differ. Some men are exhausted with work and the problems that arise from it.

performance expectations

“I work 14 hours a day, sometimes I need to work even longer.” – says Adam (32). – “There was a time at work that I thought I was impotent. Believe me, when I came home, sex was the last thing on my mind.“

Another sexual aspect that a lot of men stress is the duration of intercourse. Most men agree that women have very high expectations about sex. They read romance books and magazines, talk to their friends, and wind each other up about amazing sensations that can last for hours. It’s usually unrealistic for most men to meet those expectations.

Appearance is another cause for concern

Usually, it is women who attach great importance to how they look, what underwear they are wearing, and what impression they will make on their partner. It turns out, however, that some men are also concerned about being judged solely on their appearance. Especially in the context of newly met partners. They wonder if their belly is too big, baldness is too visible, not enough muscles, the penis is too small or weird, body odor too strong, etc.

“I am most afraid of being compared to their exes.” – confesses Kyle (29). – “Maybe they were better built, more athletic. I don’t have any muscles, although recently I signed up for a gym and I’m training hard. Fortunately, I am generously endowed by mother nature.”

Passivity can become a big issue

Men admit that they are afraid of situations in which the partner just ‘lies there’. That is, she is passive, does not take any initiative, and expects her partner to do everything.

woman who is passive in bed

“Women usually want us to be mega active, and creative and surprise them in bed. It’s not like that. They also have to try, and sometimes they lie and wait – I don’t know what for. It is not only up to us, women also have to make an effort and show some initiative.” explains Paul (31).

Being passive and lack of engagement and interest during sexual activity can negatively affect the whole relationship. Regardless of what some women may think, most men want their counterparts to take an active role at least once in a while. Men want to believe that their partner wants to be with them and acting passively can be interpreted as the exact opposite.

Wild woman in the bedroom

Some men claim sometimes women are way too emotional and extreme during sex, which can make their partner very uncomfortable. “They can be kicking their legs needlessly, scratching their partner’s backs too much, screaming too loudly when it’s inappropriate, make strange noises, swear at the partner… all of this can be quite uncomfortable at times.” – says Nick, 29. “Getting comfortably close to such a woman can be very stressful.“

“I was in bed with a great girl once, but she kicked her legs so badly that I got hit in the head. She scratched me and moaned so much that I thought I was hurting her in some way. My neighbors were banging the wall. I was embarrassed and I feel that they never looked at me the same after this. She told me she always does it like that. I didn’t try it the second time.” – admits Dave, 31.

It’s like a bad movie

Another cause for stressful embarrassment as indicated by men can be acting out scenes from movies or playing different roles in bed. One of the gentlemen who spoke on this subject admitted that at the beginning he was very excited when his girlfriend suggested “dressing up” and playing out some scenes. He was Dracula, Batman, or another superhero, while she was a servant or an innocent neighbor who wants to borrow sugar or milk.

The problem was, after a few weeks, he wanted “regular sex”, but she preferred to dress up and act out scenes. One time, she asked him to put on a panda bear costume and make love to her. “It was simply too much. I refused!” – He admitted. After a while, their relationship ended.

A few final words

It turns out that men are still quite reluctant to talk about their concerns about sex. The good news is that it is no longer a strict taboo for them. When pressed a little, most men will share their concerns.

The most important thing is to talk about your mutual expectations and needs, but maybe not necessarily in bed. It’s best to talk about this in a ‘non-sexual’ setting. Somewhere more neutral and calm when both of you are on good terms and comfortable with each other.

Maybe it’s also worth remembering that sex scenes from movies are usually so far removed from real life that it’s not even worth recreating them. Instead, it is much better to simply be yourself and enjoy the proximity and love of your partner to the best of your abilities.