What Is Love Bombing And How to Deal With It

Picture this: Your partner is attentive, pays you compliments, gives you gifts, and can’t stand to be separated from you. So things are going great for you. Except there’s a nagging feeling of discomfort mixed in. You may be the victim of love bombing.

What’s happening? Is it a red flag? It could be if your significant other is detonating a love bomb on you. That’s when you have to be careful.

So let’s break down what love bombing is and how you can deal with this type of unhealthy relationship.

What Is Love Bombing?

Simply put, love bombing is the act of manipulating a person, shown through flattery or compliments, especially in relationships.

Love bombers will attempt to convince you they really care about you. They will use regular compliments like, “you’re beautiful,” and “you’re amazing,” but what they mean is for you to compliment them back, like a quid pro quo.

But isn’t that just how couples are at the beginning of a relationship? Yes, and that’s why love bombing can be confusing.

The recipient of the compliments can actually feel good thanks to the attention and affection from the giver. Any recipient would feel special in this case and receive a boost of self-esteem.

However, things can quickly turn into a nightmare when that attention and affection are given in excess. So when you start feeling uncomfortable from the excessive attention or even gift-giving your partner is showing you, that’s when you should start setting boundaries.

Narcissists may become love bombers for the sense of power and control. With their inflated opinion of themselves, they often desire to hear good things said about themselves. Thus, they bait other people by throwing out a compliment of their own.

A classic example of a love bomber is Simon Leviev from the Netflix documentary “The Tinder Swindler.”

His manipulation tactics involve doling out compliments and expensive gifts to seduce his victims, a seemingly romantic gesture, before creating situations where he appears to be in trouble and needs help. But what he was going for by displaying these romantic gestures was to have these women support his luxuriant lifestyle.

This example of extremely toxic relationships could serve as a cautionary tale of how romance could go extremely wrong.

Warning Signs of Love Bombing

There are a few red flags you can look out for when it comes to identifying love bombers. Since they usually start small, the signs may be somewhat confusing in the beginning. The warning signs may come in two phases — the initial phase and the deep phase.

Initial phase: They seem normal, but they’re not

At a glance, the following gestures might appear normal. You might even consider them romantic. But trust us — they might be manipulative tactics.

Excessive gifts

A love bomb typically starts with small gestures such as flowers, candy, or perfume, but over time, they escalate into larger gifts.

Pay attention to the frequency you’re receiving these gifts. It should become a concern if the gifts come too often too fast, especially if you end up finding out the price.

The love bomber might mention the cost of the gift they gave you. This is a clear indication that their intentions aren’t genuine.

Constant flattery

Everybody loves getting compliments, but if they sound overly saccharine, it’s a red flag. Love bombers expect you to feel obligated to return the compliment, even if you don’t feel like it.

If the compliments are not true (e.g., you’re complimented on being a kitchen goddess, but you’re actually not), you’ll start to shape yourself into fitting that compliment.

You may put yourself at risk for trying to fulfill an unrealistic expectation, thus, stressing you out.

Manipulative validation

Just like compliments, it’s nice to receive validation. But that doesn’t mean your significant other has to agree with you every single time.

A love bomber will tell you precisely what you wish to hear with the expectation you will follow what they want.

This shows you how a love bomber is willing to do or say anything to have control over every situation as long as they reap the benefits afterward.

Too much PDA

Public displays of affection, or PDA, is another manipulative behavior of love bombers. They may be setting up to gaslight their victims.

What they’re actually trying to do is prove to everyone that you’re into them with the aim of making you feel bad when you withdraw from the PDA.

So beware of anything — from physical touching to social media posts — that loudly announces your feelings for your partner.

Obsessive behavior

Another trait that love bombers might have is displaying obsessive behavior.

Is your significant other persistently checking up on you? Does your partner expect immediate responses to their texts, emails, and phone calls? Does your lover want to hear from you every day and night?

All are classic signs of control and manipulation. If you don’t comply, they will say you’re the one who doesn’t love them back.

Deep phase: When your emotions turn into chaos

These next gestures don’t seem so innocent anymore. They could wreak havoc with your emotions and stress you out. If you find them happening, it’s time to consider seeking help.

Gaslighting

When your partner starts to outright gaslight you, this is a giant red flag. As we’ve already said before, love bombers might have already set you up for gaslighting.

But when they start blaming you for having boundaries or making you feel guilty for something you haven’t done, they’ve started doing it for real.

Gaslighting can be difficult to identify but if you feel bad about something they’ve said, examine yourself and then get a second opinion.

Walking on eggshells

A love bomber typically doesn’t like it when you set boundaries, and they might react dramatically. For example, if you try to limit your time with your partner and they get upset, it’s a sign they’re reluctant to relinquish their control over you.

As a result, if you find yourself walking on eggshells for fear of inciting their anger, this is definitely a sign that everything is not okay. You shouldn’t have to fear being near your loved one.

Isolation

The worst that can happen if you’re dealing with love bombing is being cut off from your support system, the people who can help you. It usually starts with the love bomber saying they want to spend all their time with you, and before you know it, you’re only spending time with the love bomber!

Love bombers will try to isolate you from your friends and family because they want to have full control of you. Don’t allow this to continue, and start reaching out to people.

How to Deal with Love Bombing

Now that you’ve recognized the signs of love bombing, you should decide: Do you want to get out of it? If so, move forward by taking steps to stop the cycle of abuse.

Set boundaries

Drawing a line between what you deem is acceptable and what is not can be the first step in dealing with love bombers. You can say something as simple as, “We’re moving too fast and I need to take a step back.”

If you’re in the beginning stages of a relationship and you already notice some red flags, it’s a good idea to set these boundaries and stick to them before it escalates.

Stop communication

The next step is to cease communicating with the manipulator. If you feel you’re dealing with someone who’s narcissistic and controlling, limit your communication with them.

Of course, you’d want to make it clear to them that you intend to stop talking to them, but if they fail to receive the message, it’s time to dump them. Don’t take their calls and unfollow them on social media. Then seek support from trustworthy people.

Seek help

Sometimes you can’t do it alone. If your former love bomber is particularly persistent, don’t hesitate to seek help. Start by telling your problems to a trusted friend or a family member. With their help, you can slowly regain your confidence.

If you feel you’re in too deep, get professional help by contacting a local therapist or organizations such as the Narcissist Abuse Support Groups. It’ll be worth it to find help from other people who have experienced the same things as you did, even if they don’t use the term “love bomb.”

Wrapping Up

As human beings, all we want is to be loved and cared for. But not all expressions of love are innocent, and not all who show us care and affection mean well.

The difference between a healthy relationship and an abusive one often comes down to how comfortable the relationship makes you feel. If you notice some uncomfortable warning signs, there’s a huge chance you’re being love-bombed.

It might be tough at first, losing the compliments, gifts, and validation, but you don’t need to stay in an abusive relationship with a love bomber to keep getting them. And, in the long run, staying away from a love bomber can make you happier.